Survivor Stories — Survivors of Radiant Mountain

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A place to share your true experience with Radiant Mountain.

BUTTERFLY11

POSTED TUESDAY 2:26PM
I joined because I was new to the area and didn’t know a soul. I’d been having a hard time finding a job, but I was hired for a decent position in Cooper’s Rock and decided to move there. It was my only option at the time so I took it. I heard about the Radiant Mountain and thought it would be a good place to make some connections, get to know the people in town, make friends. In the past, I was a member of different nondenominational churches and adventure clubs, and I thought those were great places to get involved with the community. Plus I’m a really outdoorsy person and it seemed like the Radiant Mountain supported that kind of lifestyle. I went to all the weekly gatherings and tried my best to subscribe to the Radiant Mountain regimen – regular exercise, a healthy diet, daily meditation and prayer, communal activities, charity work. I really did enjoy it, because it felt like I was becoming a better me. And everyone around me was so enthusiastic, it was hard not to get excited myself. But the longer I was with the Radiant Mountain, the more it felt like something was just… off. I couldn’t get close to any of the other members. Our relationships were so shallow. These people seemed to not have any negative emotions, and I never heard them complain about anything. The Raven kept us at a gathering for over 7 hours – we were being lectured to because a few of the younger members had done something wrong. I don’t even remember what it was, or maybe the Raven never even told us. But apparently the entire congregation was to blame. We were made to stand and listen for 7 whole hours, and a few people fainted. But not a single person complained. No one thought it was weird or wrong. Or maybe some did, but never said anything. They didn’t acknowledge it. That’s when I decided that I should probably quit. I just felt so uncomfortable after that experience. And not to mention, those kids who got caught weren’t even present at the gathering. The whole situation didn’t sit well with me. I had a hard time leaving. I took one look at my Sparrow’s smiling face and thought ‘I need to make up a story. I need to lie.’ I told her that my new job wasn’t working out and that I would have to move back in with my parents. My Sparrow tried to convince me to stay in touch and make the commute to attend meetings, even just once a month, but I told her I had to quit the Radiant Mountain. I wish I could describe the way her face changed – she was smiling, but… not. I can’t describe it. I hadn’t actually planned on leaving my job and moving away again, but when I realized that I might keep running into these people in town, I had to just leave Cooper’s Rock. I haven’t seen anyone from the organization since, but it makes me nervous just to go grocery shopping or visit the post office. I feel like I’ll run into one of them and… I don’t know. I’d just rather not.

POSTED TUESDAY 2:26PM

I joined because I was new to the area and didn’t know a soul. I’d been having a hard time finding a job, but I was hired for a decent position in Cooper’s Rock and decided to move there. It was my only option at the time so I took it. I heard about the Radiant Mountain and thought it would be a good place to make some connections, get to know the people in town, make friends. In the past, I was a member of different nondenominational churches and adventure clubs, and I thought those were great places to get involved with the community. Plus I’m a really outdoorsy person and it seemed like the Radiant Mountain supported that kind of lifestyle.

I went to all the weekly gatherings and tried my best to subscribe to the Radiant Mountain regimen – regular exercise, a healthy diet, daily meditation and prayer, communal activities, charity work. I really did enjoy it, because it felt like I was becoming a better me. And everyone around me was so enthusiastic, it was hard not to get excited myself.

But the longer I was with the Radiant Mountain, the more it felt like something was just… off. I couldn’t get close to any of the other members. Our relationships were so shallow. These people seemed to not have any negative emotions, and I never heard them complain about anything.

The Raven kept us at a gathering for over 7 hours – we were being lectured to because a few of the younger members had done something wrong. I don’t even remember what it was, or maybe the Raven never even told us. But apparently the entire congregation was to blame. We were made to stand and listen for 7 whole hours, and a few people fainted. But not a single person complained. No one thought it was weird or wrong. Or maybe some did, but never said anything. They didn’t acknowledge it.

That’s when I decided that I should probably quit. I just felt so uncomfortable after that experience. And not to mention, those kids who got caught weren’t even present at the gathering. The whole situation didn’t sit well with me.

I had a hard time leaving. I took one look at my Sparrow’s smiling face and thought ‘I need to make up a story. I need to lie.’ I told her that my new job wasn’t working out and that I would have to move back in with my parents. My Sparrow tried to convince me to stay in touch and make the commute to attend meetings, even just once a month, but I told her I had to quit the Radiant Mountain. I wish I could describe the way her face changed – she was smiling, but… not. I can’t describe it.

I hadn’t actually planned on leaving my job and moving away again, but when I realized that I might keep running into these people in town, I had to just leave Cooper’s Rock. I haven’t seen anyone from the organization since, but it makes me nervous just to go grocery shopping or visit the post office. I feel like I’ll run into one of them and… I don’t know. I’d just rather not.

QUOTE

LUCK8118

POSTED SUNDAY 1:08AM
I haven’t always made the right choices for myself. Before joining the Radiant Mountain Family – and probably for some time after – I was a drug addict and alcoholic. While attending an AA meeting, I had a chance encounter. He introduced himself as Frederick. He came off as a bit nervous to me, but in that place, this was not an odd thing. He was a new face, and new people were always nervous. He was quite thin with short, light-brown hair. He had his hair combed down to one side. If he hadn’t been so socially uncomfortable, I’d say he might have been a little cute –in a sad, stray puppy kind of way. It was his eyes, you see. His eyes were so, so sad. At the time, this was endearing, and I saw my own sadness reflected in them. But now? Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. Frederick told me of this other support group and how much better they were than AA. He said that they were all about love and healing, and that they were more about finding the truth of things instead of wallowing in a miserable state. He told me about their meditation meetings and their community events. I don’t know how he did it, but he sold it to me. Things started out amazingly. The group –they called themselves the Radiant Mountain Children –introduced me to guided meditation. I was also assigned a mentor who was to assist and look after me. Her name was Cali, and she was a Sparrow. She was an older woman who spoke softly and methodically. Cali was very kind to me, and very encouraging. Gradually, Cali became my mother figure, while at the same time, I was encouraged to move out of my mother’s house and cease contact. It was my mother’s fault, you see, that she didn’t give me enough love and attention. That’s why I turned to drugs, Cali said. Soon enough, I was surrounded by kind, loving people at Radiant Mountain. I was given a small dose of this relaxing drug each day (I’m not entirely sure what it was exactly), so I could be weaned off. Obviously, this seemed like a good idea at the time. They had a lot of research on why this method works and it would have worked if they had actually tried to wean me. But as a drug addict, I either neglected to realize it, or I just didn’t care that my doses weren’t getting any smaller. I was the happiest I had ever been. They started to get more invasive...but at the same time, I had to be incredibly grateful. They chose a college course for me to take and paid for it all. How could I not be thankful? But then they also decided what career I’d have...and what job they would help me get. They said that if I could show enough ambition to become a Sparrow like Cali, I could have everything in my life for free. So, with consideration and a recommendation from Cali and Frederick, I became a Sparrow. Talking with Frederick again wasn’t as appealing as it was when I first met him at AA. His sad eyes looked more pathetic than before. There was something in his voice – a frustration. He begrudgingly gave me a recommendation and helped me become a Sparrow. I was told a lot of things, but I can still recite all those tenets by memory. The guided meditations became more methodical and strange. We were placed in rooms with walls lined with old, boxy TVs from floor to ceiling. Each TV contributed white noise and the static was the only light that illuminated the room. Sometimes the static became too loud and the screens were too bright. After every session, I felt light-headed like there was a fuzziness to the world. But I felt good. I felt happy. ToknowpeaceistoseektruthToknowtruthistobewholeTobewholeistobefree Cali also started taking me on hiking and recruitment trips. The weekends were reserved for either going partially up the nearby mountain and meditating, or going into nearby towns and villages and look for potential candidates who need more happiness in their lives, as Cali put it. Despite our weekly outings, there was a feeling of isolation from the outside world. At first this isolation was comforting. I loved that I didn’t have to deal with the guilt and resentment I felt when I was with my family, or when I was surrounded by my peers in AA. But eventually, some of these things started to not sit too well with me, and someone overheard me talking negatively about my new...situation. Well, I was ratted on. As punishment, a few Squirrels approached me and said that my daily dose of “medicine” would be withheld until I had learned my lesson. That was the first agonizing night I had since I joined the group about a year ago. The pain was unreal. I sweated through all my bedsheets. I ripped through some of my Radiant Mountain-approved books in frustration. I screamed out into the dark void of my small bedroom. The next day, I was given my dose. This instilled in me a gratefulness I had never felt before. I told the man who administered my medication a shaky and most sincere thank you. And I meant it. This happened a few times – I would do something wrong, I was caught, and then my medication would be withheld. Sometimes it was withheld for a day or two. One time it was withheld for a week. And the cycle of pain and thankfulness continued. Finally, I realized how dependent I had become. I started to think of ways I could leave, but then my mind would shut itself down. I have nowhere else to go, I would tell myself. I have burned so many bridges. No one would take me back. I’m all alone in this. These are the things an irrational mind will tell itself when it feels like a cornered animal. This continued for another year. How I got out of Radiant Mountain wasn't heroic or adventurous. I snuck away and crashed on an old friend’s couch. After a few nights, there was a knock at my friend’s door. Cali was there to bring me home. She greeted my friend by her name and told me that a couch was no place for me to sleep. It was incredibly hard to say no to her. If it weren’t for my friend being there to back me up, I would have taken Cali’s hand and left right there without my belongings. I didn’t want to hurt Cali. And I still, to this day, truly miss her. My friend started asking me questions. And...I realized I couldn’t answer them. How did Cali know where I was staying? How did she know I was staying on a couch? How did she know my friend’s name? I can’t say that my life is better now. It’s not. I still look over my shoulder when I leave the house even though I’ve changed my name and moved far away. Sometimes... I still think they can hear me. And I know I’m not crazy. I just hope someone on here will believe me. Thank you for reading. -L.

POSTED SUNDAY 1:08AM

I haven’t always made the right choices for myself. Before joining the Radiant Mountain Family – and probably for some time after – I was a drug addict and alcoholic.

While attending an AA meeting, I had a chance encounter. He introduced himself as Frederick. He came off as a bit nervous to me, but in that place, this was not an odd thing. He was a new face, and new people were always nervous. He was quite thin with short, light-brown hair. He had his hair combed down to one side. If he hadn’t been so socially uncomfortable, I’d say he might have been a little cute –in a sad, stray puppy kind of way. It was his eyes, you see. His eyes were so, so sad. At the time, this was endearing, and I saw my own sadness reflected in them. But now? Thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

Frederick told me of this other support group and how much better they were than AA. He said that they were all about love and healing, and that they were more about finding the truth of things instead of wallowing in a miserable state. He told me about their meditation meetings and their community events. I don’t know how he did it, but he sold it to me.

Things started out amazingly. The group –they called themselves the Radiant Mountain Children –introduced me to guided meditation. I was also assigned a mentor who was to assist and look after me. Her name was Cali, and she was a Sparrow. She was an older woman who spoke softly and methodically. Cali was very kind to me, and very encouraging.

Gradually, Cali became my mother figure, while at the same time, I was encouraged to move out of my mother’s house and cease contact. It was my mother’s fault, you see, that she didn’t give me enough love and attention. That’s why I turned to drugs, Cali said. Soon enough, I was surrounded by kind, loving people at Radiant Mountain.

I was given a small dose of this relaxing drug each day (I’m not entirely sure what it was exactly), so I could be weaned off. Obviously, this seemed like a good idea at the time. They had a lot of research on why this method works and it would have worked if they had actually tried to wean me. But as a drug addict, I either neglected to realize it, or I just didn’t care that my doses weren’t getting any smaller. I was the happiest I had ever been.

They started to get more invasive...but at the same time, I had to be incredibly grateful. They chose a college course for me to take and paid for it all. How could I not be thankful? But then they also decided what career I’d have...and what job they would help me get. They said that if I could show enough ambition to become a Sparrow like Cali, I could have everything in my life for free. So, with consideration and a recommendation from Cali and Frederick, I became a Sparrow.

Talking with Frederick again wasn’t as appealing as it was when I first met him at AA. His sad eyes looked more pathetic than before. There was something in his voice – a frustration. He begrudgingly gave me a recommendation and helped me become a Sparrow.

I was told a lot of things, but I can still recite all those tenets by memory. The guided meditations became more methodical and strange. We were placed in rooms with walls lined with old, boxy TVs from floor to ceiling. Each TV contributed white noise and the static was the only light that illuminated the room. Sometimes the static became too loud and the screens were too bright. After every session, I felt light-headed like there was a fuzziness to the world. But I felt good. I felt happy.

ToknowpeaceistoseektruthToknowtruthistobewholeTobewholeistobefree

Cali also started taking me on hiking and recruitment trips. The weekends were reserved for either going partially up the nearby mountain and meditating, or going into nearby towns and villages and look for potential candidates who need more happiness in their lives, as Cali put it.

Despite our weekly outings, there was a feeling of isolation from the outside world. At first this isolation was comforting. I loved that I didn’t have to deal with the guilt and resentment I felt when I was with my family, or when I was surrounded by my peers in AA.

But eventually, some of these things started to not sit too well with me, and someone overheard me talking negatively about my new...situation.

Well, I was ratted on.

As punishment, a few Squirrels approached me and said that my daily dose of “medicine” would be withheld until I had learned my lesson. That was the first agonizing night I had since I joined the group about a year ago. The pain was unreal. I sweated through all my bedsheets. I ripped through some of my Radiant Mountain-approved books in frustration. I screamed out into the dark void of my small bedroom.

The next day, I was given my dose. This instilled in me a gratefulness I had never felt before. I told the man who administered my medication a shaky and most sincere thank you. And I meant it.

This happened a few times – I would do something wrong, I was caught, and then my medication would be withheld. Sometimes it was withheld for a day or two. One time it was withheld for a week. And the cycle of pain and thankfulness continued.

Finally, I realized how dependent I had become. I started to think of ways I could leave, but then my mind would shut itself down. I have nowhere else to go, I would tell myself. I have burned so many bridges. No one would take me back. I’m all alone in this. These are the things an irrational mind will tell itself when it feels like a cornered animal.

This continued for another year.

How I got out of Radiant Mountain wasn't heroic or adventurous. I snuck away and crashed on an old friend’s couch.

After a few nights, there was a knock at my friend’s door. Cali was there to bring me home. She greeted my friend by her name and told me that a couch was no place for me to sleep. It was incredibly hard to say no to her. If it weren’t for my friend being there to back me up, I would have taken Cali’s hand and left right there without my belongings.

I didn’t want to hurt Cali. And I still, to this day, truly miss her.

My friend started asking me questions. And...I realized I couldn’t answer them. How did Cali know where I was staying? How did she know I was staying on a couch? How did she know my friend’s name?

I can’t say that my life is better now. It’s not.

I still look over my shoulder when I leave the house even though I’ve changed my name and moved far away. Sometimes... I still think they can hear me. And I know I’m not crazy. I just hope someone on here will believe me.

Thank you for reading.

-L.

QUOTE

DOTTYDOE9

POSTED WEDNESDAY 3:33PM
You’re not alone. After I left Radiant Mountain, I started noticing unusual things that I hadn’t noticed before. My TV started to get weird static cutting in and out. At first it wasn’t happening too often to be a concern, but after a while, I started hearing it in my sleep. I was just a Deer when I left, so I’m not sure what the upper-level meditation sessions were like, but I was at one of the dances that got a bit odd. I remember getting swept up in it all...I remember the beginning and the end. But when I try to remember the dance itself, it’s like my memory becomes fuzzy. Then the voices on the car radio began talking to me directly. I’d turn the dial and each channel would be the same thing...continuing the same sentence. At one point, I screamed and ripped the radio right out of my dashboard. My father was in the car with me and he was quite concerned… I’m on medication now. And I’m seeing a therapist. I have to be careful. I’ve stopped using my cell phone – I broke it to pieces and threw it away. All I have left is my computer... and I’m not even sure how safe this is. I’ve covered up my IP and I’m using a pseudonym. I hope we both find peace soon. Love, Dotty

POSTED WEDNESDAY 3:33PM

You’re not alone.

After I left Radiant Mountain, I started noticing unusual things that I hadn’t noticed before. My TV started to get weird static cutting in and out. At first it wasn’t happening too often to be a concern, but after a while, I started hearing it in my sleep.

I was just a Deer when I left, so I’m not sure what the upper-level meditation sessions were like, but I was at one of the dances that got a bit odd. I remember getting swept up in it all...I remember the beginning and the end. But when I try to remember the dance itself, it’s like my memory becomes fuzzy.

Then the voices on the car radio began talking to me directly. I’d turn the dial and each channel would be the same thing...continuing the same sentence. At one point, I screamed and ripped the radio right out of my dashboard. My father was in the car with me and he was quite concerned…

I’m on medication now. And I’m seeing a therapist.

I have to be careful. I’ve stopped using my cell phone – I broke it to pieces and threw it away. All I have left is my computer... and I’m not even sure how safe this is. I’ve covered up my IP and I’m using a pseudonym.

I hope we both find peace soon.

Love, Dotty

QUOTE

BAMBEE

POSTED SATURDAY 9:44AM
Does anyone else find themselves missing RM sometimes? I know it’s weird, but I wish sometimes that everything they’d promised could really have been true. I guess that’s too much to ask, but sometimes I really find myself wishing I could feel the way I did after the Leap, or at the end of an all-day meditation. I miss feeling like I belong to something important.

QUOTE

SERAPH1M

POSTED SUNDAY 10:09AM
YES, definitely! It’s especially hard for me because I felt like everyone I knew was part of Radiant Mountain. I’ve only been out for like a year, and I just don’t even know what to do with myself most of the time. Like how do you make friends, even? I don’t know what to say to people. It felt so safe, being there. Sometimes I think about going back, but... I don’t know. I guess I’m better off where I am.

POSTED SUNDAY 10:09AM

YES, definitely! It’s especially hard for me because I felt like everyone I knew was part of Radiant Mountain. I’ve only been out for like a year, and I just don’t even know what to do with myself most of the time. Like how do you make friends, even? I don’t know what to say to people. It felt so safe, being there. Sometimes I think about going back, but... I don’t know. I guess I’m better off where I am.

QUOTE

WINDALLE

POSTED SUNDAY 2:50PM
Don’t do it! Anything is better than going back. Let me know if you ever need to talk.

QUOTE

EXPASSERIDAE

POSTED THURSDAY 6:31PM
What is wrong with you? Don’t you know how much some of us have suffered? How can you feel nostalgic about that place?

QUOTE

JRIVERA

POSTED FRIDAY 7:34PM
I got introduced to the Radiant Mountain Family through their meditation workshops. I was always looking for the next big thing in terms of heightening that mind-body connection. I did a lot of yoga retreats, holistic wellness classes, that kind of thing. I really wanted to take it to the next level, and when I went to a Radiant Mountain workshop, it just struck a chord with me. Sitting there, it was like I could actually feel my mind expanding. It was almost like there was something moving within me, and it was alive with so much power I could hardly take it all in. You get addicted to that feeling. There’s this rush you get when something so immense takes hold of you. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever felt. Before long, I was attending workshops two or three times a week, spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars to try and chase that feeling. I broke up with my boyfriend because he couldn’t believe that what I was experiencing was real. I stopped talking to my family because people who weren’t part of the Sanctuary were seen as harmful to our spiritual development. Eventually, I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t part of the Family. The Radiant Mountain became my whole world. I quit my job to go and work in the Sanctuary. I was living in this dormitory with twelve other Family members, working fifteen- or twenty-hour shifts, waking up every hour to pray. I think they were drugging our water supply, because I started seeing things, losing time. There were times when I could see myself, as clear as day, like I was standing outside my body and watching myself. One time I woke up and saw myself standing at the foot of my bed, looking down at me. I even blacked out a few times and woke up in the woods with no idea how I got there. I got to the point where I no longer recognized myself. I felt like everything that made me who I was had been torn away to make room for the Family. I was so tired all the time. Tired, and afraid of what was happening to me. But even so, I don’t think I would’ve left on my own. It was kind of an accident that I left at all. I was passing out flyers – that was one of my responsibilities then, spreading the word – and I had a seizure right there on the street. It felt like my body was rejecting something inside me, like I was being scoured clean. A passerby took pity on me and tried to help me, but I wouldn’t let her take me to the hospital, it wasn’t safe there. She let me stay with her while I recuperated. To this day, I still can’t believe someone, a complete stranger, would do that for me. She saved my life. She absolutely saved my life. I’ll never be able to repay what she did for me. But anyway, because no one from the Family knew where I was, no one came to take me back. The longer I was away, the better I started to feel, and the more unreal everything at the Sanctuary started to seem. From a distance, I couldn’t believe everything I’d gone through, and for what? Because I was obsessed with the idea of some higher power moving through me. I knew I couldn’t go back, but I also couldn’t live on this nice woman’s couch forever, so in the end I called my mom, and she came to get me. I never went back, and I haven’t spoken to anyone from that time in my life since, although I do keep in touch with the woman who rescued me. I wish I could just put it behind me, but the truth is I do still miss that feeling I’d get, after a long meditation session, where it felt like you were this insignificant speck and the world was rushing up to meet you. I am absolutely certain it would have killed me if I’d stayed any longer, but it was also, for a little while, one of the most beautiful and profound experiences I’ve ever had.

POSTED FRIDAY 7:34PM

I got introduced to the Radiant Mountain Family through their meditation workshops. I was always looking for the next big thing in terms of heightening that mind-body connection. I did a lot of yoga retreats, holistic wellness classes, that kind of thing. I really wanted to take it to the next level, and when I went to a Radiant Mountain workshop, it just struck a chord with me. Sitting there, it was like I could actually feel my mind expanding. It was almost like there was something moving within me, and it was alive with so much power I could hardly take it all in.

You get addicted to that feeling. There’s this rush you get when something so immense takes hold of you. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever felt. Before long, I was attending workshops two or three times a week, spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars to try and chase that feeling. I broke up with my boyfriend because he couldn’t believe that what I was experiencing was real. I stopped talking to my family because people who weren’t part of the Sanctuary were seen as harmful to our spiritual development. Eventually, I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t part of the Family.

The Radiant Mountain became my whole world. I quit my job to go and work in the Sanctuary. I was living in this dormitory with twelve other Family members, working fifteen- or twenty-hour shifts, waking up every hour to pray. I think they were drugging our water supply, because I started seeing things, losing time. There were times when I could see myself, as clear as day, like I was standing outside my body and watching myself. One time I woke up and saw myself standing at the foot of my bed, looking down at me. I even blacked out a few times and woke up in the woods with no idea how I got there. I got to the point where I no longer recognized myself. I felt like everything that made me who I was had been torn away to make room for the Family. I was so tired all the time. Tired, and afraid of what was happening to me. But even so, I don’t think I would’ve left on my own.

It was kind of an accident that I left at all. I was passing out flyers – that was one of my responsibilities then, spreading the word – and I had a seizure right there on the street. It felt like my body was rejecting something inside me, like I was being scoured clean. A passerby took pity on me and tried to help me, but I wouldn’t let her take me to the hospital, it wasn’t safe there. She let me stay with her while I recuperated. To this day, I still can’t believe someone, a complete stranger, would do that for me. She saved my life. She absolutely saved my life. I’ll never be able to repay what she did for me.

But anyway, because no one from the Family knew where I was, no one came to take me back. The longer I was away, the better I started to feel, and the more unreal everything at the Sanctuary started to seem. From a distance, I couldn’t believe everything I’d gone through, and for what? Because I was obsessed with the idea of some higher power moving through me.

I knew I couldn’t go back, but I also couldn’t live on this nice woman’s couch forever, so in the end I called my mom, and she came to get me. I never went back, and I haven’t spoken to anyone from that time in my life since, although I do keep in touch with the woman who rescued me. I wish I could just put it behind me, but the truth is I do still miss that feeling I’d get, after a long meditation session, where it felt like you were this insignificant speck and the world was rushing up to meet you. I am absolutely certain it would have killed me if I’d stayed any longer, but it was also, for a little while, one of the most beautiful and profound experiences I’ve ever had.

QUOTE

WINDALLE

POSTED FRIDAY 5:03PM
I grew up in Radiant Mountain. My parents joined when I was two years old, so I don’t really have any memories from the time before that. It was actually a great place to grow up. When you’re a kid, you’re kind of sheltered from a lot of the inner workings of the group, so all I knew was that there were lots of other kids to play with and we got to do special dances and stuff. I remember really truly believing there was some higher power out there that was moving through me. Like, not just believing it because the adults told me but because I could FEEL it. But by the time I turned eighteen, I started to see what was going on more clearly and I realized didn’t want any part of it. I’m so glad I got out when I did, because from what I’ve heard through the grapevine, it’s only gotten worse since I left. The rest of my family is still in Radiant Mountain, unfortunately. I’ve tried to convince them to leave, but I can’t get through to them. I worry about them a lot, especially my two younger sisters.

POSTED FRIDAY 5:03PM

I grew up in Radiant Mountain. My parents joined when I was two years old, so I don’t really have any memories from the time before that. It was actually a great place to grow up. When you’re a kid, you’re kind of sheltered from a lot of the inner workings of the group, so all I knew was that there were lots of other kids to play with and we got to do special dances and stuff. I remember really truly believing there was some higher power out there that was moving through me. Like, not just believing it because the adults told me but because I could FEEL it. But by the time I turned eighteen, I started to see what was going on more clearly and I realized didn’t want any part of it. I’m so glad I got out when I did, because from what I’ve heard through the grapevine, it’s only gotten worse since I left. The rest of my family is still in Radiant Mountain, unfortunately. I’ve tried to convince them to leave, but I can’t get through to them. I worry about them a lot, especially my two younger sisters.

QUOTE

POPPY290191

POSTED TUESDAY 11:52PM
I’m so sorry you’ve lost touch with your family. I feel the same way. It’s not safe there these days, especially for children. It wasn’t always like this, but these days it seems things have taken a disturbing turn.

QUOTE

CGV4

POSTED WEDNESDAY 1:13PM
Yeah this was my experience, too. It’s really messed up what’s been going on recently. Good for you both for getting free, though!

QUOTE

JOSEPHM99

POSTED WEDNESDAY 4:45 PM
I was going through a rough patch. I was chronically ill at the time, and I couldn’t find work because I was sick, so I was deep in debt and living out of my car or on friends’ couches. It was a bad time. This guy I knew from a support group suggested I come with him to this service he’d been going to lately. He said they’d showed him a new way to manage his pain, and he claimed the pain he’d originally been dealing with was almost completely gone. I was skeptical, but it worked. Almost as soon as I started attending their meetings, I did start to feel better. I don’t know how, but what they were doing worked. You hear about faith healing and everything, and usually, you know, it’s purely spectacle, but this worked. Within a year, my symptoms were nonexistent. After that, the Radiant Mountain helped me find a job, and I fell in love and got married to a woman I met there. I really was happier than I’d ever been. I was so grateful for this new lease on life that I would have given them everything I had. And I did, actually. By the end, I was tithing almost half my earnings to them, spending hours every week doing outreach, and volunteering on their missions. My wife and I were fully committed to the Radiant Mountain. I was rising through the ranks. They told me I could do great things with them. But the more I learned about what they were doing, the more I questioned the rightness of their actions. There were things I was asked to do that kept me up at night. Even now, there are some things I did for the Radiant Mountain that I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself for. It drove a wedge between my wife and I. There was so much I couldn’t tell her about, and it came between us. I was drifting further and further away from my beliefs, while she remained firm in hers. I started to think we needed to leave, for both our sakes. But when I tried to talk to her about the possibility of getting out, she refused to listen to me. She said she was going to tell the Raven what I said, and I knew she meant it. I knew I needed to leave immediately. I couldn’t risk bringing my son with me, couldn’t say goodbye to anyone. I waited until it got dark and then I left. I couldn’t bring anything with me, couldn’t go back to my job, didn’t know anyone on the outside. In a lot of ways, I was right back where I’d started, basically homeless, with no prospects, no support system. It took me a long time to get back on my feet. I lost everything when I left the Radiant Mountain. I lost my son and my wife. I lost twelve years of my life in that place. But I do have my health because of them. And that’s something I still can’t explain to this day. Say what you will about everything else that happens there. I’ll be the first to agree that there is something really wrong in that place. But they healed me when nobody in the world should have been able to help me. All I can think is that it must have been a miracle, but it was a miracle that came at a terrible price.

POSTED WEDNESDAY 4:45 PM

I was going through a rough patch. I was chronically ill at the time, and I couldn’t find work because I was sick, so I was deep in debt and living out of my car or on friends’ couches. It was a bad time.

This guy I knew from a support group suggested I come with him to this service he’d been going to lately. He said they’d showed him a new way to manage his pain, and he claimed the pain he’d originally been dealing with was almost completely gone. I was skeptical, but it worked. Almost as soon as I started attending their meetings, I did start to feel better. I don’t know how, but what they were doing worked. You hear about faith healing and everything, and usually, you know, it’s purely spectacle, but this worked. Within a year, my symptoms were nonexistent.

After that, the Radiant Mountain helped me find a job, and I fell in love and got married to a woman I met there. I really was happier than I’d ever been. I was so grateful for this new lease on life that I would have given them everything I had. And I did, actually. By the end, I was tithing almost half my earnings to them, spending hours every week doing outreach, and volunteering on their missions. My wife and I were fully committed to the Radiant Mountain. I was rising through the ranks. They told me I could do great things with them. But the more I learned about what they were doing, the more I questioned the rightness of their actions.

There were things I was asked to do that kept me up at night. Even now, there are some things I did for the Radiant Mountain that I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself for. It drove a wedge between my wife and I. There was so much I couldn’t tell her about, and it came between us. I was drifting further and further away from my beliefs, while she remained firm in hers.

I started to think we needed to leave, for both our sakes. But when I tried to talk to her about the possibility of getting out, she refused to listen to me. She said she was going to tell the Raven what I said, and I knew she meant it. I knew I needed to leave immediately. I couldn’t risk bringing my son with me, couldn’t say goodbye to anyone. I waited until it got dark and then I left. I couldn’t bring anything with me, couldn’t go back to my job, didn’t know anyone on the outside. In a lot of ways, I was right back where I’d started, basically homeless, with no prospects, no support system.

It took me a long time to get back on my feet. I lost everything when I left the Radiant Mountain. I lost my son and my wife. I lost twelve years of my life in that place. But I do have my health because of them. And that’s something I still can’t explain to this day. Say what you will about everything else that happens there. I’ll be the first to agree that there is something really wrong in that place. But they healed me when nobody in the world should have been able to help me. All I can think is that it must have been a miracle, but it was a miracle that came at a terrible price.

QUOTE

ADMIN_1

POSTED MONDAY 9:27AM
My son Dillan and his family are members of the Radiant Mountain. Whenever they used to visit me, they would go on and on about how great it was and that I should come with them to a “gathering” sometime. I’m not much one for churches. Actually I’m not much one for people in general. I like to stay home and watch TV and read the paper. My wife passed away about five years ago, and since then I hadn’t any reason to leave the house. Martha was always the one who planned things for us to do. She liked going to the cinema and feeding ducks at the park, and I did those things with her because they made her happy. But after she passed away, I stopped caring about everything and holed myself up at home. It wasn’t a nice way to live, but I’d resigned myself to it. Last year for my birthday, Dillan and his wife Laura took me out to lunch and then persuaded me to visit the Radiant Mountain Sanctuary. They said they were worried about me and thought I should experience one of the gatherings, to see if it would help my “polluted state of mind.” At first, I wasn’t convinced. Everyone in that place was smiling and clapping, and it was a bit too much for me to handle. But then the Raven came into the room and everything got quiet. He starting to talk about the importance of family and love, and soon enough the whole place was hanging on his every word, including me. He wasn’t saying anything revolutionary, but it struck a chord in me. I thought, Martha would’ve liked this place. She always said family was the most important thing in life, and I’d been neglecting mine over the past few years. When the Raven finished his talk, we had a long meditation session, and let me tell you, I’d never felt so at peace. By the time I walked out of the Sanctuary that day, I was invested. I started going to the weekly gatherings with my son’s family, but even that wasn’t enough. Whenever I was home, I felt like I’d rather be at the Sanctuary. Dillan told me the Radiant Mountain owned a dormitory, so I decided to move in, to be closer with my new extended “Family.” The members who worked at the dorms were always so nice and attentive, and I was comfortable there. I spent my days learning the Raven’s teachings, meditating, and spending time with fellow members. Dillan and his family always came to visit me and I felt like I was finally repairing the bonds I’d broken. There was a television in every room, including mine, and I watched a lot of wellness videos provided by the Radiant Mountain. My state of mind was better than ever, but I was also having a hard time with my memory. I started feeling very sluggish, which I chalked up to my old body adjusting to this exciting new lifestyle. But eventually, I was laying around in bed all day watching TV. The members in charge of the dorm kept giving me meals and medicine regularly. I didn’t even think about the routine I’d fallen into. I felt like I was bettering myself because I was a part of this community, absorbing all these teachings about love and family and wellness, but the reality was so different. I was no better than I’d been after my wife’s death, still holed up in one place and unable to live a proper life. The longer I stayed at the Sanctuary, the more immobilized I became. I don’t know how it got so bad. Now that I look back on it, I wonder if they’d been sedating some of us. And there was something about that television set in my room, the way it cut to static after each video ended. I remember once waiting for the next program to start, but the static didn’t end, just kept going and going and I stared at it for hours, barely blinking. After a while, a bunch of smiling people came into the room and I had no idea who they were, but they acted like they knew me. I was terrified. Later I learned it was Dillan and his family. I don’t remember much about what happened in the days following that experience, but they told me I’d been acting strange. They decided to admit me to a dementia care facility because they didn’t want my behavior to “disturb the peace” at the sanctuary. I don’t actually have dementia. At least, I don’t think I do. My memory is just fine now, except for the few days I lost after that incident. I’m afraid to tell my family the truth – every time they come to visit, I act like I don’t know them. I can’t trust my own son. Dillan was so eager for me to join the Radiant Mountain, and he didn’t seem to think that what happened to me was unusual or troubling. A few days ago, a stranger came to visit me. He knew that I used to be a member of the Radiant Mountain and wanted me to share my story. I don’t know how to get onto his website, but he said I could write a letter and he’d put it up for me. So to whoever sees this, I hope some of you will see the truth in my story. Sincerely, Lou

POSTED MONDAY 9:27AM

My son Dillan and his family are members of the Radiant Mountain. Whenever they used to visit me, they would go on and on about how great it was and that I should come with them to a “gathering” sometime. I’m not much one for churches. Actually I’m not much one for people in general. I like to stay home and watch TV and read the paper. My wife passed away about five years ago, and since then I hadn’t any reason to leave the house. Martha was always the one who planned things for us to do. She liked going to the cinema and feeding ducks at the park, and I did those things with her because they made her happy. But after she passed away, I stopped caring about everything and holed myself up at home. It wasn’t a nice way to live, but I’d resigned myself to it.

Last year for my birthday, Dillan and his wife Laura took me out to lunch and then persuaded me to visit the Radiant Mountain Sanctuary. They said they were worried about me and thought I should experience one of the gatherings, to see if it would help my “polluted state of mind.” At first, I wasn’t convinced. Everyone in that place was smiling and clapping, and it was a bit too much for me to handle. But then the Raven came into the room and everything got quiet. He starting to talk about the importance of family and love, and soon enough the whole place was hanging on his every word, including me. He wasn’t saying anything revolutionary, but it struck a chord in me. I thought, Martha would’ve liked this place. She always said family was the most important thing in life, and I’d been neglecting mine over the past few years. When the Raven finished his talk, we had a long meditation session, and let me tell you, I’d never felt so at peace.

By the time I walked out of the Sanctuary that day, I was invested. I started going to the weekly gatherings with my son’s family, but even that wasn’t enough. Whenever I was home, I felt like I’d rather be at the Sanctuary. Dillan told me the Radiant Mountain owned a dormitory, so I decided to move in, to be closer with my new extended “Family.” The members who worked at the dorms were always so nice and attentive, and I was comfortable there. I spent my days learning the Raven’s teachings, meditating, and spending time with fellow members. Dillan and his family always came to visit me and I felt like I was finally repairing the bonds I’d broken.

There was a television in every room, including mine, and I watched a lot of wellness videos provided by the Radiant Mountain. My state of mind was better than ever, but I was also having a hard time with my memory. I started feeling very sluggish, which I chalked up to my old body adjusting to this exciting new lifestyle. But eventually, I was laying around in bed all day watching TV. The members in charge of the dorm kept giving me meals and medicine regularly. I didn’t even think about the routine I’d fallen into. I felt like I was bettering myself because I was a part of this community, absorbing all these teachings about love and family and wellness, but the reality was so different. I was no better than I’d been after my wife’s death, still holed up in one place and unable to live a proper life.

The longer I stayed at the Sanctuary, the more immobilized I became. I don’t know how it got so bad. Now that I look back on it, I wonder if they’d been sedating some of us. And there was something about that television set in my room, the way it cut to static after each video ended. I remember once waiting for the next program to start, but the static didn’t end, just kept going and going and I stared at it for hours, barely blinking. After a while, a bunch of smiling people came into the room and I had no idea who they were, but they acted like they knew me. I was terrified.

Later I learned it was Dillan and his family. I don’t remember much about what happened in the days following that experience, but they told me I’d been acting strange. They decided to admit me to a dementia care facility because they didn’t want my behavior to “disturb the peace” at the sanctuary. I don’t actually have dementia. At least, I don’t think I do. My memory is just fine now, except for the few days I lost after that incident. I’m afraid to tell my family the truth – every time they come to visit, I act like I don’t know them. I can’t trust my own son. Dillan was so eager for me to join the Radiant Mountain, and he didn’t seem to think that what happened to me was unusual or troubling.

A few days ago, a stranger came to visit me. He knew that I used to be a member of the Radiant Mountain and wanted me to share my story. I don’t know how to get onto his website, but he said I could write a letter and he’d put it up for me. So to whoever sees this, I hope some of you will see the truth in my story.

Sincerely,
Lou

QUOTE

DT8996

POSTED SUNDAY 1:27AM
I’m not very good about opening up sometimes, but I think that this is important. My wife and daughter are in Radiant Mountain and they love it. I’m in it too, and I can’t stand it anymore. Every time the Cleromantic Ritual came around, I wouldn’t worry because I thought I was worthy, my family was worthy, and the Gilded Oak would protect us. The last Cleromantic Ritual, my son was chosen. Somehow, my wife and daughter don't seem to be as affected by that tragedy as I am. Maybe they were just happy it wasn’t them. Could they be that selfish? And as for my daughter, she’s way more interested in getting her pictures on the website and portraying our Sanctuary in a positive light. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks she’s better off without a little brother to cramp her style. How can a man have these thoughts about his family? If he’s in Radiant Mountain, that’s how. I need someone out there to help me. But it has to be someone special, not just anyone. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it can be any of you. It needs to be someone new to the family. Someone who doesn’t know about us yet. Someone who will see this and realize that there is something in them that makes them different from all the other initiates and recruits we bring in. Someone who will learn from the Divination that they deserve bliss. Someone who sees what others don’t. Anyway, I hope they might read this one day. Never mind how ridiculous it might be to wish for a savior from the outside, I still hope. There is only so much happiness in the world. Let us never forget to cherish what few moments of joy we can discover. Everyone needs a smile. Rarely is a soul so corrupt that joy becomes pain, but that may just be the Raven’s plight. One first Two third Three second Four last Five second Six third Seven first Eight first Nine last Ten last That is all any of us can do, isn’t it?

POSTED SUNDAY 1:27AM

I’m not very good about opening up sometimes, but I think that this is important. My wife and daughter are in Radiant Mountain and they love it. I’m in it too, and I can’t stand it anymore.

Every time the Cleromantic Ritual came around, I wouldn’t worry because I thought I was worthy, my family was worthy, and the Gilded Oak would protect us. The last Cleromantic Ritual, my son was chosen.

Somehow, my wife and daughter don't seem to be as affected by that tragedy as I am. Maybe they were just happy it wasn’t them. Could they be that selfish?

And as for my daughter, she’s way more interested in getting her pictures on the website and portraying our Sanctuary in a positive light. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks she’s better off without a little brother to cramp her style.

How can a man have these thoughts about his family?

If he’s in Radiant Mountain, that’s how.

I need someone out there to help me. But it has to be someone special, not just anyone. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it can be any of you. It needs to be someone new to the family. Someone who doesn’t know about us yet. Someone who will see this and realize that there is something in them that makes them different from all the other initiates and recruits we bring in. Someone who will learn from the Divination that they deserve bliss. Someone who sees what others don’t.

Anyway, I hope they might read this one day. Never mind how ridiculous it might be to wish for a savior from the outside, I still hope. There is only so much happiness in the world. Let us never forget to cherish what few moments of joy we can discover. Everyone needs a smile. Rarely is a soul so corrupt that joy becomes pain, but that may just be the Raven’s plight.

One first
Two third
Three second
Four last
Five second
Six third
Seven first
Eight first
Nine last
Ten last

That is all any of us can do, isn’t it?

QUOTE